Start by organizing who you want to honor and the order you would like to have them called. Typically, there are 14 candles - 13 for the birthday and one for good luck. The first candle can be an "in memorium" candle to honor close relatives who have passed away. When choosing the order and grouping of guests to be honored, keep in mind that the photographer will take a photo of each group as they light the candle. Typically, siblings are the third to last candle and parents are the second to last candle. The final candle is lit by the bar/bat mitzvah boy or girl to make a special wish. One candle should be reserved for the friends of the bar or mitzvah.

 

10. Get inspired. Think about an anecdote or personal trait that makes this person special to you and write it down.

For Grandma & PopPop: Michael is their first and only grandchild, he slept there every Friday the first 2 years of his life and still sleeps over at times. They took him skiing for the first time when he was 4, they take him to movies, play cards, you name it, they do it for him!

That can be turned into:

There are two special people here who I just love and adore

They introduced me to skiing when I was a boy of four

I have learned so much from both of them about being a good friend

Whether it’s at the movies or playing cards, there’s laughter without end

When I was little I stayed with them almost every Friday night

Grandma & PopPop it’s number twelve, I’d love your help to light

 

9. Try to stay away from generic language that any guest might fit. 

Let your honorees know that you put some thought into their poem. It is especially thoughtful to share something about those who are not present at the event.

My Nanny Tachie is extraordinary I am sure

A Depression era pack rat full of energy I adore

Nanny Pearl at 97 is a dynamo in every way

She enjoys a vodka every night and a chocolate every day

My great grandmothers live in California and couldn't be here for all the fun

I know they are proud of me and for them I light candle number one

 

8. Make poems that are 4-8 lines. 

Too few will be hard to convey your message and too many might bore your audience. Try to keep each poem the same length. You don’t want Grandma to be upset that she got 4 lines when Uncle Bill got 8.

 

7. What to do if you cannot find a word to rhyme.

 If you are having trouble finding a word to rhyme with another word, you can either pick a different word (like choosing “great” instead of “good” or “sweet” instead of “nice”) or try seeking outside help. Rhyme zone is a great rhyming dictionary on-line that comes in handy for those tough to rhyme words.

 

6. Try to make the first line rhyme with the second line and the third line rhyme with the fourth line.

It’s an AABBCCDD pattern that makes it simpler to read and enjoyable to hear.

 

5. If you know who you want to call up to light the candle, find a word that rhymes with their name.

For example: They convinced Mom and Dad to give me my first cell phone – Please come on up Uncle Bill and Aunt Joan

 

4. Create a line that rhymes with the candle number.

For example:

Grandma's cooking always tastes like heaven

Please come up to light candle number seven

or

Cousins Steve and Janet always come through

Won't you please join me for candle number two

 

3. There are a few catch phrases that you can use for any poem such as:

 ........I love you

Come on up for candle number two

and

To my aunt and uncle whom I truly adore

Please come up to light candle number four

 

2. If there is someone on the list that your family knows, but bar/bat mitzvah doesn't know very well, be sure to provide some insight into who they are and why they are special. 

Example: For a very dear friend of Mom and Dad’s – JoAnn. Steven’s mom has known JoAnn since they were 6 and JoAnn knows Steven since his birth. She helped the family a great deal when Mom and Dad were going through a divorce. She helped move them from Staten Island to NJ, she stayed there for 2 weeks to help them settle in. Always there for Mom, serious or fun…she is a lot of fun to be around.

Turn that into:

This next candle is for a family friend who’s always there in a fix

She’s known me since my birth and known Mom since they were six

From Staten Island to New Jersey, she helped us with our move

Two weeks she kept us company, till we got into a groove

Always fun to be around, that’s why I’m such a fan

Please come up for candle eleven, mom’s dear friend JoAnn

 

1. Most important, just remember to have fun and enjoy your special day!

Remember to practice your poems and speak slowly and clearly. Even the best poems go unappreciated if they are read too fast. Take your time and enjoy the moment. You have worked hard for this day. Remember to take it all in.

 

 

Written by: Jill Starishevsky, the lead writer for The Poem Lady. She is a published poet and author who has been charming clients with her poems for over twenty years. Jill pens personalized pieces for all occasions. Birthday, bar mitzvah or any shower, let her make you the toast of the hour.